Tom Finneran: On Bacon and Bullies

Friday, August 29, 2014

Tom Finneran, GoLocal MINDSETTER™

 

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Welcome to Crybaby Nation, formerly known as the U.S.A. The location of today’s lunacy is in Vermont but it really could be anywhere in the country. And the culprit is bacon! I kid you not bacon is now a weapon, sowing fear and giving offense to super-sensitive nitwits seeking the ever-desirable status of victim. You can begin to write the obit for I am now absolutely sure that America has died… it was death by surrender.

Here’s the story - the scene of the crime is a diner in Vermont. You know about diners. I’d bet you’ve been to several if not many. I’d wager that you ate well there for diners don’t last long if they don’t serve good comfort food. And bacon is a staple. Think bacon and eggs, bacon and pancakes, bacon and waffles. Think BLT, a truly great American sandwich. Or scallops wrapped in bacon, mmm, mmm good.

Anyway, before I make myself hungry and shuffle off to the kitchen for a snack, let me continue… Winooski (what a great American name for a town) has a traffic island beautification program in which local businesses donate and plant flowers, bringing seasonal beauty and color to otherwise drab intersections. In return for their donations of flowers and time the local businesses get to post a sign in the now beautified island advertising their goods or services. Seems innocent enough so far right?

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Well, the Sneakers Bistro and Café (a rather ostentatious name for a diner by the way) certainly thought it was a worthy civic cause and they got their hands nice and dirty planting all sorts of pretty flowers. They also posted a sign---get ready now for here’s their heinous crime---which read “Yield for Sneakers bacon”. I admire the little play on words utilizing the word “yield” in the midst of the now flowering traffic island and of course adding in the name of the business itself. But the word “bacon” apparently cut like a knife into a modern American complainant.

Writing as “a vegan and a member of a Muslim household”, the complainant took umbrage at the wording of the ad, asking that the entire sign be removed. The poor befuddled owner of the diner reacted in the now time-honored and predictable practice of American business leaders facing silly little molehills - he panicked, thereby producing a mountain of controversy over his surrender to a single whiny crybaby. Criticism of the owner’s surrender to political correctness has come from as far away as Hawaii and California, thus highlighting the lunacy of the Internet and the fact that many people have too much time on their hands. Who knew that such bold courage lurked behind faceless nameless anonymity?

In ascending order of criticism here’s my ranking of the players in this drama:

THE OWNER OF THE DINER: If your reaction to the complainant’s note was to remove the sign so as not to offend even a single potential customer, then why oh why did you post your surrender to the thin-skinned complainant online? In doing so, you invited the whole world into your business, including many folks and potential customers who do not like whiny little tyrants dictating our choice of words. Far better to have tip-toed out to the traffic island in the middle of the night to remove the “offensive” sign if that was your reasoned decision. Better yet in my humble opinion to have simply ignored the complainant and simply waited for Vermont’s next snowstorm (probably next week) to render the flower bed controversy moot. My advice? Serve good food fast and cheap.

THE “CONSERVATIVE” ONLINE COMMENTATORS: Most of the online criticism of the owner’s decision to succumb to the complainant’s gripe has reflected a weary frustration with a society that seems too eager to surrender its customs, its language, and its traditions to theatrical whiny “victims” who take umbrage and “offense” at every other word of our rich language. I share the frustration as well as the sense that the inmates are now running the asylum. But true conservatives should pause for a moment and ponder the fact that the diner is a private business, that the owner is an entrepreneur, and that the retention of any and all customers of said business is a legitimate business goal. Save your ire for the complainant’s determination to impose a particular worldview on you. And if the diner’s food and service is good, go ahead and eat there. You might even want to praise the owner for the pretty flowers he planted.

THE CITY MANAGER: We already have more than enough drones in our world without adding verbal mush from the City Manager. Asked to comment about the controversy, she droned and babbled about diversity and discomfort and personal growth springing from such discomfort, essentially saying nothing. She sounds as if she’s auditioning for a tenured faculty position at Harvard. Good grief. Enough already.

THE COMPLAINANT: Get lost. You are a bully. No one cares about your eating habits or your faith. Don’t try to impose them upon others. Your neighbors are probably Jewish and Christian and Hindu and other believers and non-believers. Take a cue from them and be respectful of their traditions as they are respectful of yours. Go to the diner. The owner seems to be a civic-minded guy. Thank him for beautifying the traffic island. Skip the bacon. Try the spinach and tomato omelette. Lighten up. Grow up. You do not have the right to be unoffended in America. You are most emphatically not a “victim” of anything. So please pass the bacon and smile while doing so. Your Allah and my Jesus will understand that “live and let live” is the beauty and joy of life in America.

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Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio.

 

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