Newport Manners & Etiquette: Thanksgiving & More

Thursday, November 27, 2014

GoLocalProv Lifestyle Team

 

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Last minute Thanksgiving etiquette questions you may also be wondering about sent to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com this week. On how to give a Thanksgiving dinner toast and what NOT to talk about, as well as how to add a last minute garnish of fall colors for a festive table.

Serious and silly Thanksgiving toasts

Can you give me some toasts and tips on toasting, please? - shy toaster

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“As we express our gratitude,  we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”  --John Fitzgerald Kennedy

“Here's to the good old turkey/The bird that comes each fall/ And with his sweet persuasive meat/ Makes gobblers of us all.”  --Anonymous

“To our national birds-- / The American eagle,/ Thanksgiving turkey:/ May one give us peace in all our States—/ And the other a piece for all our plates.” --Anonymous

“When Turkey's on the table laid,/ And good things I may scan, / I’m thankful that I wasn't made/ A vegetarian.” --Edgar A. Guest

“Here's to the turkey I'm about to eat and to the turkeys I'm sharing it with!” --Anonymous

"No one diets on Thanksgiving," --Erma Bombeck.

Your host might ask one of the guests to say grace. Once the dinner is underway, any guest can stand with a glass in his hand and say, "I ask you to rise and drink a toast of thanks to Susan and Donald, our gracious and humorous hosts."

Toast the host(s) and the chef(s) for their time, good taste, and spirit. Compliment the hosts for the wonderful dinner and being at the table with friends and family.

The Thanksgiving toast is designed to make the host feel good about the meal and about how happy you are to be with the people at that table. Make it short and sweet.  ~Didi

Dressing the Thanksgiving table  

How do I have a spectacular looking table that won't cost a lot? - first time Thanksgiving host

Think about what you already  have that you can use on your table that is in the Thanksgiving colors or reds, yellows, oranges, and greens. Think color. With candlesticks use colored candles, although try to avoid Christmas candles.

Have children decorate place cards and write the name of each guest on a small foldover card. They can cut 4-by-4 inch squares out of construction paper and fold them over with the name on the front.

Take a pumpkin and carve out a medium size circle on the top, scrape out the seeds, and insert a container of water in the cavity.  Tightly tuck colorful fall-colored flowers into the the container. 

Or simply fill a glass bowl with clementines, tangerines, or apples for your centerpiece.

Thanksgiving morning have children find perfect specimens of fallen leaves and artfully place them like fallen leaves, with the shiny side up, in the middle of your dining table.

Try setting the table ahead of time so you have time to add or edit out what isn't colorful. Colored glasses for wine or water that you can place side by side. For instance, a clear wine glass next to a green water glass. Instead of a tablecloth, use one or two colorful runners in the center of the table with the centerpiece centered in the middle. Or place the runners on top of any tablecloth.

Don't forget to put a couple of small bowls of cranberry sauce around the table with spoons, not only to add a pop of color but because your guests can never have enough cranberry sauce. Grate a film of orange peel over the red cranberry sauce bowls. Any leftover cranberries can be used to decorate the insides of hurricane lamps. 

For the children at the table colorful foil covered chocolate turkeys are a sweet reward for having good manners.  ~Didi

Making dinner table conversation

In trying to make a good impression on my new boyfriend's extensive family, what shouldn't I talk about at Thanksgiving? Obviously I really want them to like me and I want to get to know them, but sometimes people think I talk too much and ask too many questions.  - Chatty Cathy

By the look of your Display Name, Chatty Cathy, being talkative might be a double-edged sword. Meaning people like people who are easy to talk to, but they also don't want to be bombarded with questions, too much information, or gossip that might make them uncomfortable.

The topics to stay away from are anything to do with other people's personal business that may not be common knowledge. Such as cousin Sue's pregnancy, which may or may not be her current state of grace. Sue may have previously miscarried and is still being tested.  She may have had an abortion. It is not your job to spill the beans.

This isn't your family yet, and until it is, steer clear of speculating on health issues such as depression or sobriety, recently diagnosed illness, bankruptcies, lawsuits, and uncoupling separations. The fact that young Henry got suspended from school is not fodder to dine out on either.

Even though you've been invited for Thanksgiving, at this point you are still an outsider. If you don't want to become the consummate outsider, respect the privacy of all the family members and their partners.

You wouldn't ask anyone their gender preference any more than you would ask them their salary, the cost of their new house or car, what they pay in rent, and how much they are worth -- for better or for worse.

Stay away from body image discussions. Heck, it is Thanksgiving, hold back on teasing his Uncle Bill, with a ballooning potbelly, for taking seconds on apple pie. In that same vein, if you're vegan, gluten free, salt free, or dairy free, eat before you leave the house and pick at your dinner. Unless family members initiate a dietary discussion, don't be the spoiler. Keep your dietary restrictions to yourself. Except, of course, when it comes to nut tree allergies.

Hold back on drinking too much. Chatty Cathy shouldn't disturb the other guests watching the football game.  ~Didi

Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Visit her newly redesigned NewportManners.com where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location. Do explore Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.

 

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