Newport Manners & Etiquette: Saying “Sorry” Isn’t Enough + Weddings + Parties
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert
What to do when she's not satisfied with "I'm sorry." Getting an accurate accepted wedding guest list, and entertaining tips in the time of Uber and serving nuts. All questions to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners this week.
Q. I made a terrible mistake and apologized, but I know that merely saying "I'm sorry" wasn't enough. My boyfriend is barely talking to me, he is so mad at what happened. It was a silly mistake, which I made worse by trying to cover it up while over-explaining, but I got caught in an untruth.
I keep telling him I'm sorry, but he so doesn't seem to believe me! How do I convince my boyfriend that I am truly sorry. Name Withheld
A. Either we're someone who annoyingly says 'sorry' way too often, or we have difficulty ever saying "I'm sorry"- even when we know we've done something wrong and hurt someone. Could it be that apologizing to someone, for many, is a sign of weakness?
For much of the population, saying sorry hasn't made its way into their interpersonal skills set.
There are those who simply cannot recognize apology-worthy situations.
Others simply do not feel the value of the apology.
Making a genuine apology helps to restore the relationship as well as the reputation of the person who did something that warrants a more authentic apology.
- Accept responsibility for your wrong-doing action.
- When appropriate reenforce that apology by saying it won't happen again.
- Be sure to make it clear that you understand and acknowledge the ramifications of the wrong-doing.
- So don't be vague, look for clarity in what went wrong.
The purpose of saying sorry is that you want to regain the trust and respect from the person you've offended.
Find a time when neither of you are stressed out, uptight, angry or tired and say that you want to have a serious talk. Go over what you did wrong and why you think you made the mistake. Then acknowledge that you panicked and tried to coverup, which only made things worse.
Then, end by saying you won't do whatever it was - and be specific - ever again.
Wedding guest list
Q. My friend had a lot of no-shows at her wedding. It took place on a holiday weekend, when she mistakenly thought people would be able to get away, but apparently they had better plans. In sending out invitations to our wedding in Newport how many do we need to send out to ensure that there will be at least a 100 guests at our wedding?
We have to give a deposit to the caterer on the number of guests and if we have last minute no-shows, we will have to pay for the food and beverages they weren't there to consume and waitstaff will still have to be paid. SG, Worcester, MA
A. The immutable social law used to be that you could count on 100 guests accepting and then attending, when you sent out invitations to 130 people. Take into account that invitations are being sent to single people as well as couples, and single guests may want to bring a date.
We're finding that 30 will regret, but up to another 30 accepted-and-expected guests may not show up. To ensure that you have a minimum of 100, you may need to invite 160 guests in anticipation of 30 regretting and 30 not showing up. Especially during the months of June, September and December, which are the big no-show months.
Entertaining in the time of Uber
Q. My girlfriend and I love to entertain. We divide the chores in pulling the dinner together. I usually do the meat or fish along with the beverages. Rosie does the cheese and crackers, side dishes, and dessert and sets the table. We both clean up while talking about who said what.
Recently I've also had to order an Uber ride for a drunken guest. Usually they say they can't access their Uber account, for whatever reason, and I'm asked to order one for them. Then I get stuck paying for it. It seems petty to go after someone for a cab fare, but they add up. Aside from driving the guest home, what would you do? Name withheld Providence
A. As long as there are still local cab companies that will come to your door on call, you're in luck. Have the number of your local cab company on hand. Simply tell the guest that you've ordered him a cab, but it isn't an Uber. If the local cab company doesn't take credit cards, the driver can always stop at a cash machine so the guest can pay the fare in cash.
Going nuts over nuts
Q. My family loves nuts. When we entertain we always serve nuts along with cutup veggies and a cheese canapé, but what guests really love are the nuts. The problem is that when I see someone's hand clawing at the nut bowl I get apoplectic wondering when the guest washed his hands last, especially if he came by subway! Forget double-dipping, what about initial dipping? CK, Manhattan
A. Fill a small glass vase that has a narrow neck with whole cashews and discreetly show guests how to get at those cashews by pouring a handful into your own hand. Often you'll see Gold Fish in a small carafe, so you get the idea. Its like a decanter without a stopper that is often used for filling one glass with wine.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette and NewportManners.
One of the best parts about Spring and Summer is the return of Waterfire
Providence WaterFire has grown to be an iconic Rhode Island event. Starting out in 1994 to celebrate it has grown to run continuously, once a month, from May-November and boasts over 80 blazing fires in the middle of the Providence River.
Boston Calling 2017
Boston Calling, the first New England music festival of the season kicks off in downtown Boston on the weekend of May 26 to the 28.
The festival features performances from Chance the Rapper, Mumford & Sons and many more.
Playing Golf at Harbor Lights
Tee it up at Harbor Lights Country Club and dive right into golf season.
The Spring is a great time to get warmed up and get some swings in before the heart of the season hits in the summer.
Enjoy being back out on the course. Save the super serious golf for the summer.
Going For Walks/Runs Outside Without Shivering on East Bay Bike Path
You can go outside and go for a walk or a run without shivering the entire time.
Spring is a great time to exercise and the East Bay Bike Path is a great place to do it.
Hiking at Purgatory Chasm in Massachusetts
The chasm is ¼ mile long and runs between giant granite rock, sometimes standing at 70 feet high! You do have to pay to park ($5 MA residents, $6 for you out-of-staters), but exploring the reservation is completely free.
Easter Egg Hunts
Easter is a great holiday. It is always great to spend time with friends and family and of course for those with kids, it's a great day for Easter egg hunts in the backyard or around the neighborhood.
PHOTO: Ross Mayfield/flickr
April Fools Day
Time to start planning out what pranks and tricks you are going to pull off on April 1.
April Fools Day is always an exciting day because you never know what is going to happen.
While you are planning your pranks, beware of any that may be played on you.
Time to break those rackets out and hit outdoor courts because Tennis season is here.
No need to go hard right away, ease into the season.
Have a great Tennis season.
Get the gardening tools ready because gardening season is just about here.
Head to your local garden shop, find the best flowers you can and plant away.
Lower Heating Bills
As winter will come to a close New Englanders could look forward to spending less money on heating bills.
Although the bitter cold is hitting New England hard, and also therefore hitting their wallets hard, this brutal cold streak will soon come to an end and we'll be able to turn down our thermostats save some cash.
photo credit: Images Money/Flickr
Get your rods and reels ready because with the approach of warmer weather comes the return of fishing seasons. While some New England states allow for fishing year round, many New England states have opening days for trout fishing that begin in early April. Although there is still a plentiful amount of snow on the ground, fishing season is right around the corner.
photo credit: Grand River Conservation Authority/Flickr
Sun dresses. Sun Dresses. Sun Dresses. With the approach of spring, it means that sundresses are almost back! Sundresses are a fun way to show off how hard you've been working to keep the weight off all winter long.
photo credit: jessejamesjake vintage
The 121st running of the Boston Marathon takes place on Patriots' Day. Catch the annual Red Sox early Patriots Day game, then head down to Boylston St to cheer on the runners.
It's a Boston and New England tradition.
Bicycling on the Central Mass Rail Trail
Once the streets are clear of ice and snow and the temperatures rise, one of the most fun things to do in New England is to jump on a bike and go for a nice long ride. There are plenty of bike paths to explore at your leisure, and many cities like Providence, Boston, and Worcester are beginning to make city streets much more bike friendly.
Newport's Spring Restaurant week features more than 50 restaurants serving three-course meals at great prices.
Restaurants include The Mooring, The Black Pearl, Brix at Newport Vineyards and many more.
Newport Restaurant week begins on March 27 and goes until April 7
While this winter was not all that bad as far as snow is concerned, it will be nice to know it is gone for awhile and there is no need to worry about it.
Well... we can only hope.
One ritual of the spring that many New Englanders are looking forward to is getting the boat back in the water. After the brutal winter we've had, boaters are chomping at the bit to get back on the water and enjoy our awesome waterfronts and bays.
Walking the Newport Cliff Walk
The Cliff Walk is one of Newport’s most famous attractions is its gilded age mansions lining the coast. Entry to the mansions will cost a fee, but with the Cliff Walk, you can enjoy views of the mansions with amazing views of the water all for free.
The 3.5 mile long path runs behind the mansions on the eastern shore of Newport. It is a National Recreation Trail – the first in New England! The majority of the walk is easy, but be sure to wear good shoes; the sand can make the path slippery.
Say goodbye to the black ice, the five foot snow drifts, and (hopefully) the potholes. As the ice melts and we reclaim our streets from the snow, we're looking forward to rolling down our windows and going for a cruise.
Outdoor Dining at Boat House Restaurant in Newport
Newport Restaurant Group made this a must-visit spot several years ago and now the expected accolades have followed.
The views of Mount Hope Bay are unparalleled.
Enjoy a nice glass of wine with some lobster fritters that had sweet corn and a chipotle mayo and followed that with pan-roasted George’s Bank scallops with a delightful spring pea risotto, pea greens from Allen Farm and a citrus emulsion.
Spring Vacation on Block Island
Get away from the hustle and bustle of the world and take a spring vacation to Block Island and enjoy all they have to offer.
Maybe a spa? a swim? Some shopping? there are plenty of options.
If Block Island doesn't do it for you, Newport is also a great place to take a break.
Or maybe do both.
Visiting Arcadia National Park in Maine
People have been drawn to the rugged coast of Maine throughout history. Awed by its beauty and diversity, early 20th-century visionaries donated the land that became Acadia National Park.
The park is home to many plants and animals, and the tallest mountain on the U.S. Atlantic coast.
Visit Acadia and hike granite peaks, bike historic carriage roads, or relax and enjoy the scenery.
Newport Craft Beer Festival
The 5th annual Newport Craft Beer Festival is set for Friday, April 28 and Saturday, April 29 at Newport Storm Brewery.
The event will bring in brewers from as far away as California and as close as Newport.
it is a 21+ celebration.
No More Winter Coats
It is time to shed those big bulky winter coats.
Instead, grab a vest or a sweater and put those coats deep in a closet.
Summer is Next
A reason to look forward to Spring?
Because summer is next and soon we will all be sitting by the pool with a summer cocktail.