Fan First

He wears a Patriots jersey to dinner. He wears a Red Sox hat backwards to meet your friends.

His only matching glasswear in his apartment are Bruins cups. He is all boy - literally a boy.

Pauly D.

Hair, clothes, and attitude are all about him.

His hair has more product than yours does. He insists on sitting in the restaurant so he can be seen.  

When out for a night and out dancing, he has the amazing ability to be dancing by himself even when he is trying to grind you.

Gay

There’s no shortage of men here, right? I mean, anyone walking the city streets can see an abundance of happy gentlemen who are easy on the eye and with a smile.

Here’s the problem: they’re gorgeous. They’re gleaming. They’re gay.

Match

His photo is gleaming on Match.com, when you got to meet him for the first time for coffee he looks great, but as you get to know him a little more his chiseled chin get less and less attractive.

It seems like a bit of a horror movie.

Hair

Moustaches, goatees, mutton chops sideburns that meet at your mouth, facial squirrels and bushy beards are all very well and good, but we have two words for you: beard rash.

Two more: Not. Pretty.

Photo Credit: Rajarshi Mitra on Flickr.

Smell

Since when did deodorant go out of style?  Going organic is own thing, but funk should be about music, not smell. It brings a whole new – er, odor – to intimate moments.

Bike

Chances are if you get a date and he picks you up for it, it might very will be on his bike. You’d best have your biking shorts on under that skirt. His environmentalism is charming - for a date it is annoying.

Ms. Big

Any old-school gals looking for their Mr. Big to drop the dough after dinner will be disappointed. You are a bit of a feminist so your dinner date is as likely to have the same expectations of you. In fact, chances are he’ll be worried that he’s more likely to offend you by offering. Be prepared to shell out.

Band

If you’ve found one of the single men in town, chances are he doesn’t have a job. He’s in a band, or he’s building a house one brick at a time, or he’s trying to figure out how to make a sustainable organic hand craft business that mostly involves hanging out in coffee shops and bars.

Gosling

Judging by his Tinder profile picture, he's like a young Ryan Gosling. In real life, less gosling, more ugly duckling. 

Photo: Raffi Asdourian - Flickr

Clown

He is a clown - not the circus kind - that might be better. Your friends warned you that Providence men are clowns, right? And you didn’t take it seriously. But look – that guy you eyed up in that bar last night?  He rode home on a unicycle. And he juggles.

Guys in Providence can LITERALLY be clowns.